Confidence Man
by iWatchtv
Summary: Tony decides McGee needs some help in the dating department. Poor McGee.


**Note:** OK, so first off, the title has a double meaning. For those of you who don't know, con man is short for confidence man. And it also means some one who is confident. I found it funny anyway. As much as like Tiva, I couldn't really find a way to work in any. Oh well. So, basically, I just wanted to write something before school started cuz i won't have that much time during the year. Also, i am in the middle of a longer story, and so far it's taking up about 20 pages , so it will take a while to edit it. Now enjoy, and review. because reviews are awesome.

and btw: 9/23 is gonna be great

Confidence Man

Tony leaned back in his chair and glanced across at the man in front of him.

"Confidence is the key. Probie, Don't forget that."

"The key to what?" McGee shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This was beginning to sound suspiciously like one of Tony's impromptu lessons about social interactions. They rarely left McGee's dignity intact.

"The key to women McBlivious. I saw you with that waitress today. Pathetic."

"Tony, get over it. I wouldn't have had a chance with her anyway. She was the murderer." Tony mused at his beer.

"Fine. I'll give you that. But that proved to me you need some serious help. So I'm going to give you my secret to women." Ziva coughed into her drink.

"You have a secret? Do you pay them?"

"I am the one here with the most dating experience." He glared at Ziva. "Unless ZIva has some stories we don't know about. Then I will be glad to let her tell each one in explicit detail." She went back to her drink.

"That's what I thought. Not what I hoped, but what I thought." Tony smirked and turned his attention back to McGee. "Now where was I?"

"Your secret to women." McGee muttered miserably.

"Right. First impressions are everything. In the first five minutes, a women decides whether you're worth going home with."

"Oh please." He once again glared at the Israeli.

"Did I hear something from the peanut gallery?"

"There are no nuts here."

"A happy as I am to hear that, I would really like to finish." He smiled sweetly to Ziva who answered with the in kind.

"Now look around this bar, it's filled to the brim with attractive single women, and you could have anyone you want. Now, ask me out."

"What?"

"You need to practice. So go."

"Why can't I practice with Ziva? She's a girl." They looked over to see that Ziva had begun to play with her knife in order to relieve her boredom. "Point taken," He looked at Tony who batted his eyes at him.

"I um...saw you at the bar, and I was hoping we could, I mean, I was wondering if maybe you were free tonight and I could buy you dinner. tonight..or lunch tomorrow, if you're busy tonight." McGee managed to stutter.

"That was amazing!" Tony exclaimed causing Ziva to stare wide-eyed at him. "You really just oozed confidence."

"Tony, even I don't think it was very good." McGee said.

"No it was great, it said that you were sweet innocent and flexible. It's a rare approach, but effective. Women love it." Ziva opened her mouth to speak but Tony cut her off.

"Now we need to give you a real test." He scanned the bar. "That chick over there," He pointed at a tall black-haired beauty. "Ask her out."

"Tony, I don't feel comfortable-"

"Then unfortunately I would be forced to tell Ziva who-"

"Fine. I'll do it." McGee hastily interrupted.

"Tell Ziva what?" She asked suspiciously.

"Nothing." They answered simultaneously. McGee heaved a sigh and headed over to the girl Tony had picked out for him.

"Tony" Ziva hissed when McGee was out of earshot, "Where I come from, that is a horrible drop-off line. Perhaps in America it is different, You cannot truly expect him to get a date with that." Tony smiled.

"It's called a pick up line Ziva. Now, watch and learn. Watch and learn." They stared intently at their team mate who had reached the bar and begun to talk to the woman. They were too far away to hear what was being said, but Ziva could distinctly see the woman laugh. After a few minutes, they left arm-in-arm. She stared at Tony in disbelief. It had worked.

"What did you do?"

"I gave him the DiNozzo dating secret, confidence." He paused, "Of course, the true confidence comes from experience." They sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you think that they are truly on a date now?" Ziva finally asked.

"They better be, I'm paying her for the entire evening." Again Ziva found herself staring at her partner.

"You bought McGee a hooker?"

"God no, that would be illegal. She's an escort, a damn good one too." He smiled at his own brilliance.

"You bought McGee a hooker?" She repeated in shock.

"No. But on the plus side, this will give McHorny the experience he'll need when I'm not paying."

"And of course blackmail material for future use." Ziva suggested dryly. Tony laughed.

"Oh yeah." He slyly glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Want to do a little incognito surveillance?

"Of course."


End file.
